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Hi peeps I’m back. I’ve been away for a while. I needed to ‘regroup’. Get away from everything to do with IVF and our latest setback (I can’t even bring myself to say the word ‘failure’). I’m home from the Middle East and the break out there actually did me some good. 

My husband and I got to spend quality time together, to heal, to bond, and as Stephen King would say, ‘get friendly’ again. We had a great time! And boy do you forget how to have a great time when you’re mired in the bog of IVF. 

I had my ‘what the f***?’ meeting with my consultant as well last week. She’s a nice woman. She told me she was ‘very disappointed’ with our negative result in Feb. I just nodded. I was trying hard not to cry or get emotional. I spent most of the visit with a hard lump in my throat . 

We spoke about the multinucleation of my embryos. This is the latest problem to emerge. Multi-wha? Multinucleation. It’s not what North Korea is threatening to do to the US or South Korea today. It’s when more than one set of male or female genes show up in a dividing embryo cell. Believe me when I say it’s not good. As far as I’m concerned, it’s abnormal. My doctor explained that it is possible that embryos can ‘heal themselves’ of multinucleation but the chances of pregnancy are lower than with an embryo with no multinucleation. 

They transferred two of my best embryos last Jan, ones which had multi-whatever but in low amounts. The other three embryos had even more multinuc going on. So it would seem to me that if the best two didn’t work, the chances of any of our three remaining frozen embryos sticking are extremely slim. 

My doc said ‘I can see you have no faith in those frozen embryos and I know you don’t want to do it, but if I were you I’d transfer them anyway’. They can take them out and let them perish in a petri-dish or they can perish inside me. A thought which makes me want to ball my eyes out. How much more pain can I take? So my womb is a tomb now? I see her point about not wanting to have any regrets in the future, I get that, I really do. But there’s the financial cost, and tougher to bear, the emotional cost of transferring more embryos and not getting pregnant. 

We haven’t ruled out going for a 4th fresh cycle. I don’t think I’m done with trying for a biological baby just yet. Almost. But not quite. 

The embryologist said a girl came in once with lots of multinucleation – “way worse than yours”, didn’t get pregnant, did a fresh cycle, and had no multinucleation! She told me it was nothing to do with my lifestyle or diet,  “it’s just genetics on the day”. 

I was also told it was “bad luck” my husband had the flu and was on antibiotics the day he donated a sample last Jan. So, have any of you heard of multinucleation before? Apparently they’ve only discovered it since they got the embryoscope machine and could watch the cell development of embryos. 

I guess we’ll transfer our poor little frozen multi-talented embryos at some stage this year. Don’t know when yet. I need some time to prepare myself for it again. If any of you have any info on this please feel free to share. Thanks guys!