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Well how do I say this… I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Again. As I knew since last Monday, I’m not pregnant. I did the home pregnancy test the clinic gave me to do this morning.

I peed. I prayed. I hyperventilated for ten whole minutes. Hoping that maybe, just maybe my body would do the decent thing and surprise me with good news for a change. Ya know, just this once?

But here it was again. The single red line. Confirmation of yet another failure staring me in the face. That’s when any tiny scintilla of hope is crushed and another little piece of you dies inside. 

I’m now having pretty bad cramps and spotting. I notified the clinic and am waiting for a nurse to ring me back. I presume I stop all the meds now and just wait for AF to arrive. 

I’ll post again in a few days when I’ve had time to compose my thoughts. But for now, all I can think is why? why? WHY?