I’m feeling blue since yesterday. I woke up at 6.10am and for some reason knew it wouldn’t work this time. I can’t explain it. I just know it hasn’t worked.
For one thing, I’m not feeling the same way I felt about a week post ET last time, when I actually was pregnant. I’ve no cramps (which were quite bad for a day or two last time) and my boobs are not tender. At all. Last time, I was barely able to lie on my tummy, now I’m sleeping on my tummy no problem. Not a twinge, no swelling, no bloating, nada.
Nope. For all their fancy Embryoscope technology, I have a better indication of pregnancy, the Booboscope. And the Booboscope doesn’t lie.
The genius of the human body. Or in my case, not.
Yesterday I was mad. Real mad. Why do most women only have to look sideways at their partners to get pregnant? Why is my best friend pregnant with her third at exactly the same time as I would have been if I hadn’t miscarried? Why are so many of my cousins having babies this month? One of them has just had her second child, a little boy, last week. Of course I’m happy for them. But the way I’m feeling right now, this particular week, and with a negative result imminent next Monday, I honestly can not face skyping her and cooing at someone else’s newborn.
I’ll let you know if there’s any change in the reading of the Booboscope in the coming days. But it’s not looking good. This is my 6th Two Week Wait on fertility treatment, not including the 12 or so before that. I’m so tired of it all.