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My ovaries are taking the mickey now. As per my fears yesterday, they’ve decided their oestrogen levels weren’t already high enough and within the past 24 hours have soared by exactly 4,000 to 10,300 today, Wednesday. 

It’s never been that high before. The doctors have assured me they’re happy for it to go as far as 12,000. At this rate I should have crossed that threshold by…about now actually. 

I’m drinking water like a nomad in the Gobi desert. My bladder doesn’t know what’s hit it. I’m told it’s to help flush out any extra hormones my body doesn’t need. Which is hopefully about 8,000 worth. 

I love the descriptions medical professionals have a habit of calling my various body parts. I’ve was told my uterus is “beautiful”. The other day my follicles were “hungry”. Today my  nurse proclaimed my ovaries were “cheeky” peeping through the scan. I’ve even heard of someone being told their follicles were “sexy” during a scan (you know who you are). 

It’s all fairly positive so I guess it makes up for one of my first scans in the Middle East. There we were, the “magic wand” and I in flagrante on the scan table when the evil witch wielding it bellowed “polycystic ovarian disease!” into my face. “I don’t have polycystic ovarian syndrome thank you (it’s not a disease, but thank you for adding to my distress)” I stuttered from my compromised position. “POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN DISEASE!” the witch shouted louder. 

I found myself arguing with someone wielding a wand between my legs. So I shut up. You gotta know when to make your point. 

I’ll take cheeky and beautiful any day after that nasty surprise. 

But I digress. I’ve just taken my last Cetrotide injection and later tonight my Ovitrelle trigger. Yes folks, it’s ovulation time! They’re happy for me to proceed and they hope to collect at least nine mature eggs from my twenty follicles or so on Friday morning. 

Starting to get excited about it. This time I won’t be under general anaesthetic but mild sedation such as valium – bring it on. Until then, I feel like a hen with lots of eggs rolling around inside me.